Edgar Allan Poe (January 19, 1809 – October 7, 1849) was an American writer, poet, editor and literary critic, considered part of the American Romantic Movement. Best known for his tales of mystery and the macabre. This is the first few words about Poe in the Wikipedia that is on the internet.
Today is 14:30 on December 3rd 2009, I woke up from a very macabre dream that I could only think that would considered along the line of Eagar Allan Poe’s works. It is weird , wild, gory, and in my view sorta romantic like in the Return of the Mummy and His Bride stuff. I wonder if this is a part of my depression and strange sleep patterns that I have now been having as of late. Anyway I thought I would document what I could remember. I somehow thought if I could just remember some of my vivid dream details and write them down I could one day be a writer of unknown origins or inspiring many years after my death I my sure.
The dream is so vivid now let me it it now before I forget it. First it is based off of how much I love and miss my wife and woman of some many years. I love her and have loved her for so many years that I can not imagine anyone loving a woman any more that I could have. Her beauty reminded me that she was and is an “Angel”, to me her beauty only seemed to get more and more beyond compare. As I was getting older she would only get younger. This dream seems to be a way that I could keep her with me forever. So very macabre and romantic.
I discovered a way to obtain her either alive or dead, my dream does not seems to point me to how I got her beautiful body. Though at times it seems to be alive because of the amount for bright red blood that seems to flow through out this dream. This dream is based upon the bones of her body all 208 bones – collected and cleaned, varnished with a coating to protect them from decay. Then so careful assembled and put back together to re-create the wonderful Angel that she was and will always be to me. Each process was so methodical, so painful executed, with love and precision, would have thought I did this all my life as a mortician . If you knew me you know this could not be true. Although I have always enjoyed science fiction and horror movies, I never was one to enjoy a gruesome gory tale or movie. I also could never lean towards any violence towards a woman. I always have believed that women were and always will be the better part of mankind. And lastly I have always steered away from death and dying at a personal level, this is true you could always ask my “Angel” she would or could have told you this is so. It would have seemed the this dream was based on Necrophilia and Nineteenth-Century French Literature. My Angel always said that I would make love to her even if she was dead. (The way she said it was not always so very bad.) So I am sure this is were part of this dream is from. I do not think she really very knew how much I loved her and will always do.
Now that I have written about this dream, I only hope it leaves my mind. As much as I love my Angel I need to let her go so that she may have happiness that she so dearly is missing. I only hope that I will be able to have a love that is at least half as good as the love I had with her. God help me.
This is now December and she left me in May of this year. I have been out of the house but twice in the two months, and maybe six times since May, although I have meet people on-line through the internet all of them seem to faded away except this one family. Which I hope to foster and grow through the years I have left here on the earth. I seem to be getting worst, how much farther can I go, I hate to think of it. I have lost my job due to my injury in 2007 and am waiting on Social Security to approve me. I only hope it comes soon, but I hear that this is failing worst than myself. The notion that you have to have money to make money, is not entirely wrong. I never thought I would be where I am today. No one is willing to hire you if you are a instant liability. Afraid that they could have me reinjured while working for them. I live in a room at my parents place, No money, no job, nor car, no family, no girl, no life - all alone in this room. The lonely thing I have that keeps me going is this internet connection. I am down to eating one meal, sleeping most of the time it seems, though I go through a period where I can not sleep anymore and stay up for a few days then crash and start all over again. I certainly hope I rise above all this soon, very soon. I would love to get to a point where I can “live on my own” and “live off the land”, not requiring help to survive. Though I know I need the love of a woman that may have to die so I may live, if that is called living.
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